Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
