You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize