No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
