I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
