she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize