he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
