i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
