They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize