That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
