What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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