I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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