What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
