I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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