I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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