Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
