I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize