it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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