Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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