Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didn't notice because vodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
