This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
