Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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