he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize