i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
