I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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