I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
