Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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