Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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