I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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