You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
