We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
