I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
