The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
