Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
