The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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