she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
