I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
