Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize