apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
