woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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