so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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