I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
