One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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