that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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