I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
