32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
