you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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