Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I checked into jail on foursquare
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
