he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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