thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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