sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
