cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My dad just said "fuck circus"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
