Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize