you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
