your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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