he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
