Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
