Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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