u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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