but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
