my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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