you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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