Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
