:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
