And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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