I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
