Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
