I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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